Ali Shariati-Moghaddam’s Guide to Etiquette


An educational guide on the principles of professional conduct and mutual respect in various situations and interactions.

“Etiquette” is an English term originally derived from French. In Old French, it was used in the form of “Estiquette.”

The initial meaning of etiquette was limited to “the customs and manners that should be observed when interacting with others.” For this reason, the term “social manners” (adab-e moasherat) is still commonly used to translate etiquette into Persian.

Many of the daily frustrations and unfortunate incidents that occur in society—and even the drift toward a “nervous society”—are not necessarily due to major economic or political problems; rather, in many cases, they stem from a failure to observe ethical principles. These are simple points, the neglect of which creates tension and agitation among us and those around us.

To observe etiquette, it is necessary to adopt a core premise in our mental model:

We must recognize the existence of others and ensure that we do not occupy more space than is rightfully ours in our environment—whether at home, in the workplace, in society, or even in the world at large.

Table of Contents

  • History of Etiquette

  • The Importance and Necessity of Etiquette

  • Telephone Etiquette

  • Guest Etiquette

  • Dining Etiquette

  • General and Essential Etiquette

History

Behavioral recommendations and advice on proper conduct have been prevalent since ancient times—ranging from the practices of Persian and Egyptian kings to the teachings of thinkers like Confucius—and later, within the royal courts of France and England.

However, the turning point in the formation of the modern concept of etiquette was the publication of the book Etiquette in 1922 by Emily Post. The initial version of this book focused solely on aspects of daily life, such as christenings, weddings, and funeral ceremonies.

Since that day, numerous editions of this book have been published, and it remains a primary reference for the rules of etiquette in social interactions.

The Importance and Necessity of Etiquette

  • Establishing Personal Security: Knowing how to behave appropriately in various situations provides us with inner peace of mind and reduces environmental risks.
  • Protecting and Supporting the Feelings of Others: Etiquette requires attentiveness to the comfort and well-being of others. We must be mindful of their emotions and ensure that our presence does not make the environment overwhelming or stifling for them.
  • Clarifying Communication: By removing barriers and demonstrating a form of “social readiness,” etiquette improves the quality of our interactions.
  • Enhancing Professional Standing: Familiarity with etiquette protocols makes you appear capable, professional, and intelligent in the workplace.
  • Creating a Favorable First Impression: Typically, the first 5 to 7 seconds of meeting someone are crucial. The initial impression you leave on an audience persists even after you have left, and etiquette helps ensure that this impression is a positive one.

Target Audience

Etiquette is not exclusive to the affluent or any particular social class.

It might initially seem that etiquette has little application for the lower classes of society and is only useful for the wealthy and privileged. However, the reality is that etiquette is beneficial for all social strata, though its application may take different forms in each group.

In upper social echelons, etiquette is associated with prestige and distinction. Conversely, for those in lower layers of society, etiquette serves as one of the most important tools for growth—a catalyst that assists individuals in their path toward progress, effective communication, and the improvement of their social standing.

Part One

Telephone Etiquette

  • Make calls from a quiet environment. Background noises—such as a crowded restaurant, traffic, or wind inside a car—make it difficult for the other person to hear you. If the audio quality is poor, offer to call them back later.
  • Minimize unproductive calls. Avoid making calls in areas with poor reception or while entering a tunnel. Wait until you are in a stable environment where the conversation can proceed without interruptions.
  • Introduce yourself immediately. Always state who is calling, even when speaking with close acquaintances. If someone else answers, be brief and polite: “Hello, this is [Your Name]. May I speak with [Their Name]?”
  • Respect their time. Before diving into your topic, ask, “Is this a good time to talk?” This simple phrase demonstrates respect for the other person’s schedule.
  • Keep voicemails brief. If you must leave a message, keep it concise and focused on the essentials. Avoid leaving long or overly complex voicemails.

• Always speak clearly and at a moderate pace.

• Avoid speaking in a loud or disruptive voice.

• Maintain a positive and optimistic tone so the other party feels comfortable during the conversation.

• Speak respectfully; avoid using slang or inappropriate language.

• Do not eat or drink while speaking on the phone.

• Listen attentively to what the other person is saying.

• Use appropriate titles (Mr., Ms., Dr., etc.) as needed.

• Practice patience throughout the call.

• Stay focused and give the conversation your full attention.

• Always ask for permission before putting a caller on hold.

Part Two

Party Etiquette

  • Invitations should be extended by phone or in person, ideally several days in advance; relying on a text message is considered impolite.
  • The host should feel comfortable selecting the more premium options, while the guest should keep their orders modest and balanced.
  • Avoid taking guests to unfamiliar restaurants without providing prior notice or context.
  • Table conversation should be lighthearted, positive, and free of controversial topics.
  • Switch off your mobile phone and avoid answering calls during the meal.
  • Offering a dish once is sufficient; avoid over-insisting.
  • Reviewing documents or leaving the table during a formal gathering is considered discourteous.
  • When the bill arrives, avoid staring at the host or interfering with the payment process.

  • Do not speak with your mouth full.
  • Keep your mouth closed while chewing.
  • Do not rest your elbows on the table.
  • Avoid blowing your nose while eating or at the table.
  • Do not play with or text on your mobile phone; put it aside to maintain focus and show respect to others.

When to Start Eating?

At small gatherings or when dining at tables for two to four people, you should wait until everyone is seated and ready to begin before starting your meal.

However, in larger parties or formal business settings, it is proper etiquette to wait until the service is complete and the food has been served to all guests before everyone begins eating together.

Part Three

Dining Etiquette


Once you are seated at the dining table, the first thing you should do is unfold your napkin and place it on your lap.
Be mindful not to wave your napkin in the air like a flag. Napkins are typically placed on top of the main plate, to the left under the fork, or, in some restaurants, folded decoratively inside the plate or glass.

  • In fine-dining establishments, wait for the server to present the meal to you.
  • Never add salt or pepper to your food before taking the first bite. Doing so is considered disrespectful to both the host and the chef, as it implies a lack of trust in the host's judgment regarding the seasoning and balance of the dish.
  • When at the table, always ask others to pass items such as the salt shaker or a pitcher of water. This prevents you from having to reach across the table or intrude upon the personal space of those sitting near you.
  • When leaving the table temporarily, for instance to use the restroom, place your napkin on your chair; do not place it back on the table.
  • At the conclusion of your meal, gather the napkin from the center and place it on the table to the left of your plate. In fine-dining establishments, this serves as a subtle signal to the waitstaff that you have finished your meal.

How to Hold Your Cutlery Correctly?
There are two primary methods for using a knife and fork while dining:

  • Continental Style
  • American Style

The Continental style is a convenient and elegant method for dining, allowing you to easily enjoy a wide variety of dishes.

In this method, hold the fork in your left hand with the tines facing downward. Your index finger should rest along the handle, pointing toward the tines.

Hold the knife in your right hand, ensuring the sharp edge is facing downward, with your index finger extended along the spine of the handle for stability and control.

Use your fork to secure and eat your food.

In international and fine-dining restaurants, spoons are reserved exclusively for soups, desserts, and specific dishes. Most main courses are intended to be eaten using the appropriate knife and fork.

Table Setting
In fine-dining restaurants and formal gatherings, you will typically encounter multiple sets of cutlery, each with a specific purpose. Generally, forks are placed on the left side of the plate, while knives and spoons are arranged on the right. A good rule of thumb is to start with the outermost utensils and work your way inward toward the plate for each subsequent course; the utensils closest to the plate are intended for the main course. The salad fork is typically placed on the far left. Glasses are arranged on the right, above the knives, with the water glass usually positioned directly above the main knife. Bread or salad plates are placed on the top left, above the forks. The soup spoon, which is large and round, is placed on the right; when eating soup, the spoon should be dipped away from you. When consuming soup, avoid blowing on it or making noise, and use your napkin to gently dab your lips clean.

Understanding Cutlery Signals
If you need to step away from the table during your meal—for instance, to use the restroom—place your knife and fork in a crossed position (or an inverted "V") in the center of your plate. This serves as a subtle signal to the waitstaff that you are not finished with your meal, ensuring they do not remove your plate.